Proverbs 26:18-19
18 Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death,
19 Is the man who deceives his neighbor,
And says, “I was only joking!”
“You’re such a snowflake!”
“It’s just a joke.”
There’s a difference between a joke and jesting, the latter means joking at someone’s expense. Nobody enjoys being the butt of a joke and it’s certainly no longer funny when you’re being mocked, ridiculed, or even gaslighted. Laughing at someone instead of with them destroys relationships. All this sounds like obvious advice, but strangers and friends won’t think twice about hurting someone over a petty argument.
This is about jokes that aren’t mutually funny. Jokes between your friend are not hurtful because both of you know the intent behind it.
Let’s take a look at the meaning of Proverbs 26:18-19.
A madman shoots both flaming arrows and regular arrows causing death and destruction. The flaming arrows cause homes to catch on fire and burn down leaving the villagers to deal with the aftermath. Like an arrow, a jest kills relationships and it’s akin to the madman carelessly throwing around arrows without a second thought to the consequences of his actions. The homes are like well-established relationships and it can only take a few flaming words to disintegrate it.
Jesting is a form of deception and betrayal.
If you have to hide your callousness behind a joke is it actually funny or humiliating to the targeted person? You know it serves no purpose other than putting down the defenseless and feeding off their emotional pain. Would you trash friendships just for a few laughs at their expense?
Acting condescending to make yourself feel better is the definition of a coward. An example of this is bullying. Bullies take joy in abusing, threatening, and making fun of others, but they only target those who can’t fight back and sometimes they form groups. Bullies don’t hunt down people stronger than them because they know they’ll lose. But when the victim fights back, other bullies join in to “help” their friend.
This lesson is also for bystanders.
If you see someone being ridiculed, speak up and confront the “jokester.” Be polite but firm. Help build a better community around you instead of standing back or saying, “Not my problem.” There are standards of common courtesy to live by in a society and mocking someone with an opposing opinion isn’t going to get you far. You lower the standards of those around you and now they see it’s acceptable to follow your poor example. Psychologists call this phenomenon “deindividuation,” losing your individuality to collectivism under the right conditions.
A jest can cause you to become spiritually blind and could cost you meaningful relationships or even a job.
Take a look at this comment. For reference, an acquaintance had posted a photo of Santa on a cross and his friend replied to my comment. I politely expressed my disapproval because it makes light of Christ’s crucifixion and suffering.
Don’t be like Brandon or the three other people who laughed at my expense. Their intent was to mock and be careless like the madman archer. Ridiculing someone for their religious beliefs is never an acceptable joke. This is one example of deindividuation among similar responses in the comment thread.
Why cultivate a community of distrust and broken relationships? Be mindful of others because they might be going through depression or a rough patch in their life. You never know who might be fighting a harder battle. King Solomon’s proverb gives us a guideline to avoid common pitfalls.
Be kind and do unto others as you would have them do unto you.